Secret Soul
by burningbright
Summary: Galen and Dureena are growing closer, but the course of true love is definitely NOT running smoothly. Galen's continued love for Isabelle, Dureena's drive for revenge, and the secrets they both hide are interfering with a love that neither will admit.
1. Chapter 1

**AN:** In JMS order, the Path of Sorrows is the last episode in which we see both Galen and Dureena. I'm taking shameless advantage of this fact- this story overlaps the end of the episode very, very briefly, and continues from there. I'm also ignoring all of the episodes following PoS- they're assumed, but I was having much more fun writing about Galen and Dureena than I was checking for accuracy about whether they're actually both still on the ship, so it may have Galen around in-story when he doesn't show up in the series. The title is also the title of a song in Jane Eyre (the musical. yes, I did say the musical), which I was listening to while I was first brainstorming and outlining this story, so the lyrics are good supplemental reading, if you're not lazy like me. None of the Crusade cast belong to me, and neither does the show.

* * *

**Secret Soul**

1.

_"When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares." - Henri Nouwen_

She found him riding endless circuits in a bullet car. She joined him, saying nothing, and stayed for hours, a silent companion in his grief.

When he finally stood, golden eyes met grey for a moment before he turned and left. He continued the journey to his ship, only to be accosted by Matheson and given that impossible message. Neither he nor Matheson noticed the slight form that lurked in the shadows of a nearby service corridor.

As Galen walked away from the crumpled piece of paper, Dureena slipped from her hiding place and scooped it up. She studied it, puzzled, trying to see what about it has upset and angered Galen so. It didn't make any sense- just a bunch of nonsense and those two words. She folded it and tucked it safely inside a pocket. Shaking her head, she followed in the direction Galen had gone.

---

"You should keep better track of things that upset you. You never know who might just happen to pick them up."

Galen whirled, startled from his contemplation of the past. Behind him, Dureena leaned casually in the entrance to the docking bay, a slip of paper held between two fingers. She proffered it.

"How did you get here? The next stop was halfway across the station!" He took the paper absently and unfolded it as he spoke. Then he stiffened as he realised what it was. "Where did you get this?"

"To answer both of your questions: You should also never assume that there's only one way out of a bullet car."

He stared at her for a moment, torn between amusement and irritation, then shook his head and thrust the piece of paper back at her. "Keep it. I threw it away for a reason."

The piece of paper disappeared rapidly amongst the layers of Dureena's clothing. In return, he received a searching look. "Are you going to be all right out there, alone?" came the suddenly gentle question.

"I am quite capable of taking care of myself, Dureena," was the sharp reply. "Now, if you don't mind…" He trailed off meaningfully. Dureena studied him for a moment longer, a small crease between her eyebrows betraying her worry. Did she know how much those tiny shifts could convey to him? Galen wondered. Suddenly, she nodded and straightened, though the crease remained.

She turned away, the paused and turned back. "Galen- you know where to find me." With that she was gone, hurrying down the hall and slipping into a side corridor that he had never even noticed before.

---

The only one more surprised than Lt. Matheson when Galen's ship docked again- only a few hours after leaving- was Galen himself. Galen's surprise grew as he walked, so that when he found himself at Dureena's door his surprise roughly equaled hers.

"Galen. Come in." As she beckoned him in, he saw that she wore a long robe, closely wrapped around her small frame, rather than her usual leather gear. Suddenly he realized that for the inhabitants of the Excalibur, it was very early in the morning indeed.

"I'm sorry… I woke you. I didn't even think-"

"Don't worry about it. I was already awake." She caught him looking warily at the small chairs that furnished the main room, and remembered his difficulty with them the last time he had been in her quarters. "I think I know somewhere where we might both be comfortable, and we won't have to worry about other people wandering through at this time of night. Hold on, I'll change."

Galen only had to wait a very short time before Dureena emerged again, wearing leather pants and a sleeveless leather top. She grabbed an overshirt from the back of a chair and shrugged into it. "Follow me."

She led him to a small observation dome. Compared to the main observation dome, it was tiny, and the central fin of the ship filled the view to the rear. The view to the front and sides, however, was spectacular. Galen sat on one of the many broad benches arranged throughout the space, and Dureena sat next to him, drawing her legs up onto the bench and crossing them as she turned to face him.

There were long moments of silence as he studied the cold beauty of the stars. Then, slowly, word by painful word, he began to speak. He told her of Isabelle, of the romance that had been almost religious in its intensity… of Isabelle's death.

As he fell silent, choked by tears he still could not shed, she slipped from the bench to kneel in front of him. Taking one of his hands in both of hers, she tried to offer the support and comfort through contact that she could not impart through words. Eventually he looked down into her eyes, his hand tightening around hers. She had only seen him so unguarded once before, and then as now it made her breath catch in her throat. She gave herself a mental shake. No matter what his gaze seemed to say, it was clear that he was still deeply in love with Isabelle. She should not allow herself to mistake his friendship and gratitude for… something else. She pushed the thought aside, not wanting to look too closely at what the "something else" she wanted to see might be.

He stood suddenly, as if aware that their position was a little too intimate, and walked a little distance apart. He stared into space for a moment, and then asked quietly, "Why?"

"You looked as if you were bleeding to death from a wound no one could see."

He stared down at her for a moment, then offered her his hand to help her rise. "Thank you."

They walked back to Dureena's quarters together, each intent on their own thoughts. When they reached her door, he asked one more question. "Dureena. What is it that woke you at such an hour?"

"Nightmares." She replied briefly.

"I see. Goodnight."

"Goodnight." Just before the crossed the threshold, she turned. "The invitation stands."

Galen stood looking after her long after the door closed. Suddenly, he smiled. "I believe I may like that," he mused to himself, and began the long walk back to his flyer, the smile still playing at the corners of his mouth.

* * *

2.

"_Upon a darkened night the flame of love was burning in my breast _

_And by a lantern bright I fled my house while all in quiet rest. _

_Shrouded by the night and by the secret stair I quickly fled." – John of the Cross, adaptation by Loreena McKennitt_

He returned the next night, and each night following for nearly two weeks. Every night Dureena would lead him to some new place of quiet beauty- a walkway above the hydroponics gardens, a small art gallery, a room from which they could see the whole shining length of the ship in which they traveled. He found a certain measure of peace and comfort in these nightly interludes of companionship. In Dureena he found something he had not had in a long time- a friend, someone with whom he could sit in silence or talk for hours on end with equal comfort. The one topic on which Dureena would never speak, however, was her nightmares.

During the day, he carried on as he always did when on the Excalibur, sitting in on meetings and lending his skills to the exploration of new prospects in the search for the cure. The length of his stay did not escape notice- even Eilerson noticed, as concentrated on himself and his profits as he was. Fewer people noticed the lightening of the burden the mage always seemed to carry with him, or the subtle warmth he exhibited towards the thief.

Sarah Chambers did notice, and she was glad. Galen and Dureena had always been the outsiders of the mission, isolated and alone- but from the moment she first saw them together, she had seen a tentative sort of bond between them, forged from that common isolation.

She had seen it sealed with the return of Galen's staff. Gideon had looked embarrassed to be present, and well he might have. The moment had been intensely personal- more like walking in on some private confession than returning a lost object. Of course, it had been. How Dureena had managed to work her way through the rock and debris was still anybody's guess, and why… well. Gideon thought she had done it as a kind of apology for wounding Galen, but Dr. Chambers didn't agree. Dureena hadn't given away anything with her face, but her eyes hadn't lied. She had already known Galen didn't hold her responsible for her actions under the influence of the virus; and she had known - probably from the moment the staff left Galen's hand - how much it cost him to lose it. So she had done the impossible for him, and retrieved it.

If that hadn't been enough, there had been the look on Galen's face. For a few moments, he had been absolutely unguarded, filled with wonder and gratitude. Moreover, he had deliberately placed his hand over Dureena's- the most physical contact she had ever seen the mage engage in. She had known then that Dureena would go through hell or high water for the mage, and that he would do the same. Even if neither of them would admit it, they knew as well.

The next time she had seen them, they both acted as though nothing had happened- with one small exception. Even though Galen touched no one else, was reluctant to accept even the limited contact required for medical care, he would reach out to Dureena- little touches that in anyone else would mean nothing. Galen himself didn't seem to notice that he treated her any differently than the rest of the command staff and specialists, but the difference was readily apparent to the doctor's observant eye.

---

One night, two weeks after his unexpected return, Galen arrived at Dureena's quarters only to receive no answer when he requested entrance. A brief query of the door's circuits showed that it was programmed to give only the quietest of alerts when the lights in the sleeping quarters were off.

After a moment of indecision, Galen left, and traced his way to the small observation she had first shown him. There he sat, and contemplated his reaction. He was glad that Dureena seemed to free of the nightmares she so often suffered, at least for one night… and yet he was strangely disappointed to miss his time with her for even one night. He sat there for hours, thinking and staring into the countless stars, as Excalibur's "night" turned in to "day".

"Good morning, Galen." Galen didn't even twitch.

"Hello, Matthew." Galen gestured to a nearby bench. "Care to join me?"

"Why do I get the feeling that's not actually a question?" Gideon muttered, taking the seat Galen had indicated. "Will you being staying with us much longer?"

"That rather depends. Tell me, Matthew, do you have any particular targets in mind, right now?"

"Yes, actually. That's why I was looking for you. I'll be discussing it with everyone later today, but I thought I would check first and see if we could count on you to stick around for it."

Galen considered for a moment, then nodded. "All right, I'll stay." He knew that he would have to leave, eventually, or people would start to do more than notice his presence. They would comment, guess… pry. He didn't want to leave yet, though. He was reluctant to leave behind the nights of quiet conversation with Dureena so soon. That thought led to another, and he stood abruptly. "If you'll excuse me Matthew, I have a few things to see to this morning before the meeting."

---

Dureena's console pinged at the incoming transmission. "Yes?" she called, hurriedly lacing closed the last inch of her top as she walked into its range of view.

"Good morning, Dureena." She jerked her head up in surprise.

"Galen?"

"Yes. I thought I would make sure you were awake before I came by."

"Then you picked the perfect time. I just finished dressing." Her stomach growled quietly. She hoped he couldn't hear it. "Was there something in particular you wanted?"

"Yes, actually." His badly hidden grin told Dureena that he had heard. "I was wondering if you would care to join me for breakfast." As he extended the invitation, the grin faded and was replaced by a certain brittleness around the eyes. Almost as if he thought she might refuse, Dureena thought.

"Of course. Where should I meet you?" She was relieved to see the brittleness wiped away by another smile.

"Actually, I'll come to you. Won't be a moment." With that, the transmission cut off. It was followed immediately the sound of blowing wind- and a door opening and closing. Dureena whirled to find Galen standing just inside her quarters.

"Well then. Shall we?" He offered her his arm, eyes glittering with amusement at her surprise. Her irritation at having been snuck up on couldn't stand for long against his good mood- she took the offered arm, and off they went towards breakfast.

* * *


	2. Breakfast and an Announcement

Jaws dropped. Silence fell, and then the noise resumed with a sudden overzealous clatter of cutlery as people tried to eat, watch the pair in the doorway, and appear not to be looking all at once. There were a few choked giggles as the tall, black-clad mage picked up a tray and moved solemnly through the serving line, and several wide-eyed glances as he sat with Dureena and began to eat.

Dureena missed none of it. "You don't eat here often, I take it." There was a slight edge in her voice as she matched a nearby table stare for stare. They took the hint.

"I generally take my meals on my ship," Galen replied mildly. He glanced around, and several people hastily began to eat, as if that was what they had been doing all along. "I've been told that some of the crew believe I subsist on solar energy rather than food." His raised eyebrows invited her to share in his amusement at the idea.

Dureena snorted with laughter, the tension that had been rising in her diffused. "Where did you hear that?"

"Doctor Chambers has quite a talent for hearing shipboard rumors, and she seems to have decided that repeating them to me makes me a more biddable patient." He went on to regale her with some of the more outré rumors, the recitation of which carried them all the way through breakfast, even lengthened as it was by laughter. As Galen wound down, a familiar voice spoke from behind them.

"Mind if I join you?" Gideon plopped his tray down before they could reply and pulled up a chair. "The mess seems to be awfully full today. I can't imagine why- it doesn't seem like anybody's eating." This last was delivered at rather higher volume than the rest, and was obviously directed at a table of junior officers who were now blatantly craning to see. All four heads suddenly lowered as they concentrated fiercely on their trays--their _empty_ trays. Gideon grunted in satisfaction. "Seems you two have been making quite a stir." He dug into his egg substitute with enthusiasm. "So, is it really true that the ensigns believe I breathe fire?" he asked around a mouthful.

* * *

**From The Authoress**:

Hello, my dears! It has been a long time since we last spoke, hasn't it?

Well, I'm afraid I bring bad news as well as good, so I'll give you the bad first: _Secret Soul_ is on hiatus for the foreseeable future. This scene has been knocking around on my hard drive for at least a year now with no progress in sight, even though I love it. I honestly have no clue where I was going with this when I started it 5 years ago, and with one thing and another, figuring out where to go with it now isn't very high on my priorities list.

The good news is that one of the things that is keeping me from working on _Secret Soul_ (besides the research papers and the finishing up my A.A. degree and applying to colleges so I can get my B.A. and picking one and going through all the falderol associated with becoming a college student _again_) is _The Drift of Stars_. It is my baby, and apparently all of my other Crusade fanfic plots are incapable of escaping its gravitational pull. And seriously, I will finish it. Eventually. The end is, in fact, already written--we are now merely filling in the space in my outline that is filled with notes like "crew meets C&A", "something exciting happens here", "what about a sword fight?", and "people fall in love". You can see why this chapter is slow going, but it _is_ going now that the research papers have been handed over to their respective fates.

-S


End file.
